QUAD COMPLEX: You admit you jumped on the rollerblade bandwagon back in the day. But it never compared to the days of whizzing around the rink on your hot pink quads. Pull up those tube socks and head to Intoxiskate, which takes place every Tuesday at Gold Coast Roller Rink. 8 P.M.-2 A.M.
PARTY ARTY: A guy in college once suggested you and him "connect creatively." You thought he was trying out a really bad line, but maybe he was thinking about River of Art, an event at the Epic's River Lounge that will bring artists of all disciplines together to network and wax poetic about light and texture. Or whatever artists talk about. Complimentary cocktail for those who RSVP: firstname.lastname@example.org. 6-11 P.M.
CLOSET CASE: You're cursing yourself for choosing designer skinny over boyfriend jeans. So is your ass. Tug those puppies off and head to the ClosetCycle Clothing Swap Party at Novecento on Lincoln Road, where you just might find some loose-fitting love, or something else you never knew you needed. $5 gets you entry and a glass of house wine or beer. 7:30 P.M.