Welcome to the 804th running of Survivor, this time featuring former Hurricanes and Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson turning into a crazed hobo before your very eyes in the beachy jungle of Nicaragua, and then wandering through your scenes with a snack of live crab. We were recapping his survival each week, because he’s Jimmy Johnson, but then he got voted off. Can't stop, won't stop, etc... 

Last week: The older tribe continued losing, NaOnka threatened to burn Kelly B.'s artificial leg in the fire, and Jimmy T. went home on account of being annoying. 

This week: For the first time ever, no one mentions Jimmy J. or makes a sports reference. We almost miss them. Marty tells Danny that Holly and Jane have just "signed their own death certificates" by not playing a part in Marty's campaign to rid himself of the annoying Jimmy T.  

Holly, for her part, didn't even know about it, but that's Marty for you. 

"You can't get cocky in this game, but I'm in control," he crows, as his hair does its best to escape him in every direction. "It's locked. It would take something extraordinary, off the charts, completely wacked out to disturb my plan." 

Famous last words, because that's exactly what happens. When the tribes come together for a challenge, Jeff Probst tells them to drop their buffs -- they're merging early.

Jaws drop, too. 

"I was definintely not counting on this!" Marty says. "It's too early!" 

New chosen-at-random captain Brenda chooses Marty, Jane, and Jill to join Sash, Fabio, Kelly B. and Kelly Purple at La Flor, while Holly picks NaOnka, Chase, Alina and Benry to continue Espada with Yve, Tyrone, and Danny. 

But first, the new squads are immediately thrown into a reward challenge, during which a team must catch balls sent down a pinballish contraption by the other team. This is harder than it sounds, which La Flor can tell you because they lost. 

For their efforts, Espada wins two hens and a rooster. They take their feathered friends back to camp, where Tyrone annoys everyone by launching into a speech about firewood and where to put the machete when they're done with it and zzzzzzzzzzz. Alina sums up Tyrone's speech perfectly: "It's very older tribe." 

Tyrone shortly admits in voice-over that while he would have liked to have stayed together as an old tribe, having young girls around means "there might be some flirtation goin' on." The camera pans to NaOnka, and the whole earth shudders as one. 

Over at La Flor, Jane warns Brenda and Kelly B. about Marty and Jill. "They're like tight as ticks," she says, "One humpin' the other on the back." 

Marty immediately gets up to his usual tricks, telling La Flor they never should have allowed NaOnka to run off with the immunity idol clue. "I haven't had to lie to anybody or do anything backstabbing," he fibs. "So I want to get off on the right foot with you guys: I have an immunity idol." 

The youngsters fake being impressed, but they aren't as easily manipulated as Marty thinks. (Except Fabio. He's dumb, you know.) 

"Are you stupid?" Brenda asks the camera. "That was the dumbest thing he could have done. Hellooooooo!"  

Make that second-dumbest, because when Espada decides they'd like chicken for dinner, they kill an egg-laying hen instead of their rooster. 

Or maybe third: though he opposed eating a chicken, and refused to help prepare it, Tyrone grabs the biggest piece and eats more of it than anyone. Hungry, desperate people tend to notice such things. 

We are then teased with the complete emotional collapse of NaOnka. When it begins to rain hard at Espada, she cries and says she wants to go home.

"When I'm cold and not doing too well, I lose it," she whines, though her breakdown probably has more to do with the fact that she no longer has Kelly B.'s artificial leg to serve as her evil Maypole and raison d'être. 

"NaOnka seems like a high school girl," says Alina, when she takes a break from convincing Na to stay. "She's irrational and crazy and seems like she's on her period all the time." 

The following day, producers give the teams a chance to drown their own, with a pretty amazing torture rack/spitting contest that dunks strapped-down team members into a tub of muddy water. It's pretty great, though we are denied the pleasure of seeing Na all but waterboarded when she chooses to be a spinner. 

While Espada won chickens, they fail to win immunity against La Flor. At Tribal Council, NaOnka doesn't play her immunity idol, doesn't fight to stay, and leaves the tribe to vote with this ringing in their ears: "There were not 24 hours in that day, there were 26, but it felt like 48." 

Were I in Espada, I'd vote her off just because that's already been done, and funnier, too. But even though NaOnka spent two days on the verge of quitting, it is Tyrone who gets the chop. 

Lesson: never take the biggest piece of chicken. And in an episode full of dumb moves, the dumbest goes to Espada for voting off a strong, able-bodied male and keeping an evil, rain-hating quitter. 

Next week: Dan wants to quit, Marty hoodwinks Fabio by telling him he's a grand master at chess, and Survivor remains about things other than chess. And the Dolphins cheerleader lives!