Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and fret over the rising cost of ice cream. Fifty bucks for a pint of Blackcurrants with Gingersnaps? It doesn’t even have peanut butter cups in it! LET’S GO!
TOP CHEF – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Why is Padma so mean? Can I get a host who at least appears to be enjoying herself? Gail Simmons is two seats down! I can tell she’s actually happy that a dozen or so very talented chefs are dying to please her. Can’t Padma at least show a little tiny bit of appreciation for being in such a position? I’d kill to be catered to like that. I really would. You say the word, and this puppy here is a goner. STOP BEING SO UNGRATEFUL, LADY!
Anyway, tonight the chefs are tasked with creating Ethiopian food. I remember when I was a kid, my folks took me to an Ethiopian joint and I was like, “Really?" I had no idea. Turns out Ethiopian food is decidedly tasty. In fact, I could go for some injera right now. If only the supermarket had rolls of it in stock next to the Wonder Bread. ANTICIPATION: SPICY!
WORK OF ART – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Last week, Miles was able to convince Jaclyn to shoot a picture of herself in the throes of self-gratification. Join us this week when she somehow manages to throw herself in front of an oncoming bus. Last week, host China Chow broke down in tears when he had to toss off Mark. Imagine what will happen this week, when she has to throw off someone who has actual TALENT! This is the last show before the finale. I expect Miles, Abdi, and Nicole to face off in the finals. Unless Jaclyn takes off her clothes again. I suppose that’s not out of the realm of possibility. ANTICIPATION: STOP LOOKING AT MY NAKED BODY!
SHARK BITES: ADVENTURES IN SHARK WEEK – 10:00PM (Discovery) Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson goes diving with sharks, no doubt dazzling them all with his raucous ad libs and rakish Scottish charm. “Aren’t ye a wee little greet white?!” ANTICIPATION: SCOTCH AND WATER!
JORAN VEN DER SLOOT: E! NEWS SPECIAL – 10:00PM (E!) The outlet of hardcore journalism that is E! takes a closer look at the accused murderer with the very goofy Dutch name. They also interview van der Sloot’s mom, Anita. Anita van der Sloot? That’s what the cops have been saying for ages. RIMSHOT! ANTICIPATION: SAD!
REAL WORLD: NEW ORLEANS – 10:00PM (MTV) The feud between Ryan and Preston escalates, eventually causing cops to report to the house. Meanwhile, in the Ninth Ward, people in need of REAL police assistance are placed on hold by a 911 operator. ANTICIPATION: THROWDOWN BRAH!!!