The Miami Dolphins maybe in the best shape of a 5-6 team in NFL history. That's why worrying about making the playoffs should be the last thing on Coach Tony Sparano's mind.
In fact, the playoffs should fall somewhere between figuring out who will be the team's fifth round draft pick next year and remembering to send Chad Pennington a "Good Luck in the Future" card.
We've come up with a list of 99 things that the Dolphins need to focus on, but for the sake of our fandom and the length of this article, we will give you the abbreviated version with a few highlighted points.
First on the list, the Dolphins need to notify Coach Sparano that his one embarrassing moment per week quota has been filled for the season and now he needs to start acting like a real NFL head coach.
Sparano, bless his heart, has been the big butt of sports media jokes all week for his timeout fopaux in Buffalo. Kind of like how he was when the Dolphins played New Orleans. Oh, and that time he went for two points when the team was up by eleven against the Jets. Is there such a thing as an assistant head coach in charge of time outs? If so, the Dolphins might want to look into that.
Instead of calculating the probability the Dolphins run the table and secure a playoff spot, maybe someone on the staff can calculate the number of plays Ted Ginn Jr. and Joey Porter spend on the sideline. We did out own estimations and concluded the team should surgically attach the two at the hip or at least tie their ankles together so neither leaves the bench. Ever.
By the way, is it apparent to anyone else that Porter wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight?
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Problem No. 23 is really a problem with No. 6. As in, the use of Pat White. We know he was drafted in the second round, but is that any reason to believe that he will be a difference maker when he only gets into the game at crucial moments in the fourth quarter?
We can count on one finger the number of times the strategy has worked. Why not try this instead. if you want a change of pace, put White in at QB in the first quarter, not the final 6 minutes of the game. Just think about it.
Not to be knit picking, but could we leave the passing to Chad Henne? If you're going to throw picks, might as well let the person who is used to doing it have the ball.
Problem 98 is just as pivotal as No. 1. Leaving rookie cornerbacks on Gilligan's Island all game is about as smart as allowing Gilligan to build the raft to freedom with your last pieces of wood. The chances of long-term success are minimal. (See fourth quarter in Buffalo and the New England game. By the way, Professor Randy Moss is coming to town this week).
And the final problem the Dolphins need worry their heads about before talking playoffs ("Playoffs?" in our best Jim Mora voice) is getting Ricky Williams some rest. He might not be a 32-year-old horse in football years, but his current workload will age Williams quickly.
It's time to let Lex Hilliard see more touches. You kept a fourth running back for a reason. Let him show what he can do.
Compared to fixing this list, the playoffs are easy. Just keep winning.
