Internet Catfight Engulfs Unwitting Wade

"Anonymous Pro's Wife" vs. Gabrielle Union gets hot for head Heat

Oh, it's already been broughten!  Last week gossip site posted a letter claiming to be from An Anonymous Professional Athelete's Wife, intended to besmirch the reputation of athlete-lovin' actress Gabrielle Union. But somehow it managed to veer off and both question Dwyane Wade's intelligence and defend his character, all at once.

APAW, as we'll call her, says that she is "not one to get caught up in gossip" and has always "dismissed" rumors of Union's many celebrity affairs, before listing a handful of Union's past lovers and all sorts of details about her dating life. You know, the one that APAW never paid attention to.

Why? Because Union, she says, recently propositioned APAW's husband and GIRL YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR AND NOW YOU MUST BE RUINED ON THE INTERNET.

What makes it awkward for Wade (aside from having his love life on blast) is the assumption that his union with Union only happened because he's a poor hapless lug.

I heard a rumor that she was romantically involved with Dwyane Wade [the weekend of the 2007 All-Star Game] (while might i add, his wife was there). For the following year... The rumor of her and Dwyane continued. This past year, the news seemed to be that Gabrielle and Dwyane were officially a couple. Although I knew in my mind that Gabrielle was not settled in this supposed “relationship” with a man who is a decade her junior, it was not my concern. I no longer felt sorry for her, but rather for Dwyane. He seems to not know any better. I can understand that he is newly single and is more than likely exploring his options. But to hear that he has assumed Gabrielle as his girlfriend disappoints me. I have met Dwyane a few times as well through my husband and he seems like a true gentlemen, someone with traditional values…

And there's where it doesn't take a trench coat and pipe to figure out APAW might be as crazy as Union, because: name us an NBA baller who hasn't always "explored his options," and we'll show you...A.C. Green, everyone! 

Keyboard Cat

And only A.C. Green.

Anyway, ladies, get a life. The internet is for keyboarding cats, not anonymous letters and countersuits.  Though the latter does prompt us to add, just in case: we do not claim that the above account is true, only that Dwyane Wade is the greatest basketball player in all of human history, and should stay in Miami and play for the Heat forever and ever.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled internet viewing of Keyboard Cat. 

Janie Campbell thinks catfights like this should be settled in the octagon. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.

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