Ross' Next Presser Brings the T-Pain

But will he buy us a drank?

Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder than a woman marrying an amuseument park ride, consider the week "rappa ternt sanga" T-Pain is having.

Not only has a grassroots "cam-pain" sprung up to annoint Mr. Pain the successor to outgoing Florida State President T.K. Wetherell (we fully support this movement, on behalf of everyone everywhere), but now he's been roped into one of Dolphins owner Stephen Ross' legendary Major Announcements.

Guess that means Enrique Iglesias and Stevie B. were busy.  America's auto-tuning, stripper-loving jester is set to accompany the Dolphins Cheerleaders on turntables Friday at Casa Casuarina as they unveil their 2010 calendar with a "high-energy swimwear fashion show."  (For those keeping score at home, that makes him a rappa-ternt-sanga-ternt-DJ.)

Oh, and he'll also unveil his own version of the Miami Dolphins Fight Song. 

YEEAHHH! Now we're sprung.  Apparently Ross didn't get the memo that autotune is dead (neither did the rest of sports, thankfully), but at least this version of "Miami Dolphins No. 1" will be only a few years --  not decades -- behind the times.  

(If you're questioning the wisdom of this decision, look no further than T-Pain's original composition about combing two types of Patrón.  If "Silver and Gold" becomes "Aqua and Orange," all our dreams will have come true. Except the one involving Nick Saban and a den of tigers.)

There's also a second announcement with artist Romero Britto and Ocean Drive magazine, and the Fins' further slide into sports marketing's most ridiculous three-ring circus, but who really cares anymore?  Our only choice is to lie here and get it over with. 

So for now, let's just celebrate the inclusion of an artist under 40 -- and hope he's not asked to put on a sombrero.

Janie Campbell will update T-Pain's classification to rappa-ternt-sanga-ternt-DJ. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.

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