Ned Flanders? Reverend Lovejoy? How in the name of L Ron Hubbard could you have let this go without attempting an intervention?
Not that there's one thing wrong with Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, professing her faith as a Scientologist. God ... er, uh ... A Thetan knows she's in good company.
Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Reed Slatkin ... Well, maybe not Reed Slatkin after that whole Ponzi-scheme thing, but ... Beck! Hey, Beck's definitely cool.
Pimping out Bart Simpson, however, is very uncool, man.
Yet Cartwright, who has performed the voice of Bart Simpson and other characters for more than 20 years on The Simpsons, has, as reported by a Village Voice blog, recorded robo calls in the voice of her primary character while shilling for a Los Angeles Scientology event.
A sample of the audio is online at YouTube, unless of course a spaceship full of OT VIII-level attorneys arrives at Google's beach-side branch to demand its removal. Not that that's going to happen. No way.
"I'm now auditing on New OT VII," a voice that claims to be Cartwright explains in her own voice during the recording, whatever "New OT VII" means, though I believe it's one level below the one that requires a special ceremony at sea aboard the MV Freewinds.
As the offspring of a typical Irish-Catholic family, I really shouldn't poke fun at the spaced-out teachings of any other religion. It's hard enough for Catholics to understand that God is supposed to be three people at once, let alone for them to explain why they celebrate the transformation of bread and wine into a man's body and blood before they line up to eat it.
But the voice of Bart Simpson actually says that this Scientology event on January 31 at Hollywood and Highland is "gonna be a blast man," then laughs that sinister cartoon laugh.
You just have to question that, don't you?
At the very least it prompts the wonder of what Bart Simpson would tell Nancy Cartwright to do with her E-meter ... well, if Bart Simpson could talk without Nancy Cartwright, that is.
Help her Trey Parker and Matt Stone; you're her only hope.
-- TJ Sullivan