If you've ventured into the relationship-oriented side of TikTok in the past year, you've likely encountered the concept of golden retriever boyfriends.
Like their adorable canine counterparts, golden retriever boyfriends are friendly, faithful, and affectionate.
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In most cases, being a golden retriever boyfriend is regarded as a green flag. After all, who wouldn’t want a loyal, attentive partner who prioritizes your needs?
However, there's a lot more to the golden retriever boyfriend than meets the eye — especially if you tend to embrace the black cat personality type.
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Here's what you should know about the golden retriever boyfriend trend and what it means for your relationship.
What is a golden retriever boyfriend?
A golden retriever boyfriend shares many positive traits with the dog breed itself: he's devoted, outgoing, affectionate, and always ready to have fun.
According to Liza Gold, LCSW, founder and director of Gold Therapy NYC, golden retriever boyfriend traits include the following:
- Easygoing
- Loving
- Social
- Eager to please
- Devoted
“They're obviously very loyal,” Taylor Frazar-Green, M.A. LPC-A, tells TODAY.com. “I think that the biggest thing similar to the golden retriever dog is that they’re very eager to please and always very agreeable with their partner.”
Beyond social media trends, the golden retriever boyfriend trope has taken off in film and T.V.
Notable examples of golden retriever boyfriends in popular culture include Peter Parker from “Spider-Man” (specifically Tom Holland's role), Jeremiah from “The Summer I Turned Pretty,” Jake Peralta from “Brooklyn 99,” and of course, Travis Kelce of Kansas City Chiefs fame.
For Frazer-Green, the golden retriever boyfriend archetype represents a shift in what we consider ideal qualities in a male partner.
In contrast to the brooding charmers of days past, the golden retriever boyfriend is open, thoughtful, and affectionate.
Gold also feels that the golden retriever boyfriend trend represents a shift in gender roles.
“I think perhaps one reason why this concept has become so viral is because it has sort of a zeitgeist of empowerment for women. Like, ‘I don’t have to be the one to chase,’” Gold says.
The pros and cons of a golden retriever boyfriend
On the surface, the idea of a golden retriever boyfriend seems universally positive.
“A relationship with a golden retriever boyfriend is probably one characterized by a lot of affection, and tenderness and playfulness,” Gold says.
However, even the most well-behaved golden retriever boyfriends aren't immune to red flag behavior.
Like their canine namesakes, golden retriever boyfriends can be high-maintenance.
If you're an introvert who needs time to recharge, you might struggle with the demands of a high-energy partner who always wants to spend time together.
“At times it can be quite draining, because I think at some point everyone needs to shut off to restore themselves," Gold says. "I mean, play is wonderful. Affection is wonderful. But what about those moments where you’re not in the mood to be upbeat, playful or affectionate?"
Their devoted nature can also veer into clinginess. Still, Gold understands the allure of a golden retriever boyfriend.
Amidst a dating scene rife with mind games and “playing it cool,” a partner who isn’t afraid to express affection is especially appealing.
“It’s the idea of having a partner who shows up, who wants to put the work in to the relationship, who wants to show that he loves you and he cares about you,” Gold says. “I think those are lovely characteristics that most people would want in their partner.”
At the end of the day, Gold recommends asking yourself whether those idealized traits align with your real-life needs:
“Am I getting what I need from this person? Are they showing up for me in the ways that I need to feel good? Do I feel valued and respected by them?”
Are golden retrievers and black cats compatible?
In sharp contrast to the golden retriever boyfriend's outgoing, friendly personality, a black cat girlfriend is reserved, mysterious, and occasionally aloof.
Despite their differences, black cat girlfriends and golden retriever boyfriends are a popular pairing — according to social media, at least.
However, Gold warns that you and your partner might end up fighting like cats and dogs. She links golden retriever boyfriends and black cat girlfriends to anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles, respectively.
“Sometimes the relationships work out long term, sometimes they don’t,” she says. “But they are usually relationships with a fairly high degree of conflict due to opposing needs.”
Contrary to popular belief, opposites don't actually attract, after all.
“There’s a spate of research to support the notion that opposites don’t attract. People with similar interests attract, and people with similar personality traits attract.”
However, all is not lost for the black cat-golden retriever pairing. Regardless of outward appearances, the most important factor in a relationship is whether the couple's values and traits are compatible.
“People are attracted to one another when they have complementary features, which can sometimes appear as ‘opposite,’” Gold says. “But they have to be opposites that complement one another, not clash.”
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
