Randy Shannon Drinks Not From the Pimp Cup

The Onion is clearly slackin' on his pimpin'

By Janie Campbell
|  Wednesday, Aug 12, 2009  |  Updated 10:39 AM EDT
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Randy Shannon Drinks Not From the Pimp Cup

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"What sort of cup? Is it plastic? Can you drink out of it?"

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If Jacory Harris ever wins that Heisman, we know what Randy Shannon won't be sporting to the ceremony.

"I don't even know what a pimp cup is, to be honest with you," the head Hurricane told Miami last night on the radio when asked about his quarterback's playful plan to wear a pink suit -- complete with jewel-encrusted goblet -- to the Downtown Athletic Club.

Really? Considering the illustrious style history of the Hurricanes -- remember Howard Schnellenberger's wife wearing a full-length mink to the OB in '83? -- we doubt that. But maybe Shannon has never celebrated a birthday with LeBron James

He didn't appear on 790 The Ticket specifically to address the pastel plan, but Shannon had to know he'd be asked about the interview after the media -- or at least ESPN's humorless blowhard Jim Rome -- learned of Harris' surprised response to finding out on air that Tim Tebow is a virgin, and blew it all slightly out of proportion:

Never has a great leader and great player taken more and deserved it less than one Tim Tebow.

Well, Mr. Rome, offhand we can think of Jackie Robinson and Ray Bellamy, but do go on.

I cannot believe the backlash on this guy.  What has he ever done to anyone other than dominate?! Since when did doing everything the right way become a crime? The latest guy to take a shot at Tebow is [Harris]...

Oh no he didn’t! Dude did not just call Timothy Richard Tebow a liar. I mean, I heard it, but I don’t believe it....Stop saying the guy’s a liar and just be glad you don’t play them again until 2013. Because, alleging their leader is not saving himself for marriage is a reason to go!

All three names?  Clearly, Rome didn't actually listen to the interview, because it was obvious from the tone of Harris' response -- and the laughter -- he wasn't interested in seriously accusing Tim Tebow of falsifying his v-card; rather, he was legitimately surprised and understandably doubtful that Tebow -- or any man ever -- could withstand the onslaught of womenfolk that a college quarterback faces. (It's like a 24-hour Tailhook out there!)

Perhaps that's because Harris is so "fun-loving" himself. Said Shannon:

That's Jacory. Jacory's a fun-loving person...When you see and meet Jacory, everything in his voice is just enthusiasm. Havin' fun, you know, livin' college life. He's not a guy that's gonna put anybody down. You know, he has high hopes, he has great admiration for this program and its football teams, and he's a very confident young man. And you gotta give him all respect for that.

He didn't really say anything too much, you know -- a pink suit, I mean, I doubt Jacory would wear a pink suit, to be honest with you. He was just talking. 

Maybe while he's doing all that talking, Jacory could explain to his coach what a pimp cup is. If the 'Canes can make it through their first four games, Shannon will definitely deserve one. 

Janie Campbell is shipping a pimp cup to Jim Rome. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.

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