You think you know your cringe-inducing, ethnic reality TV typecasting, America...but you have no idea.
A casting call at the Catalina Hotel & Beach Club this afternoon hopes to change that by introducing the world to Miami's Spanglish-speaking, Jersey Shore guido-equivalent: the huge hoops-sporting, tiny shorts-wearing, sneaker-clad "chonga."
Not familiar? Allow YouTube parodists to explain:
Yep. That's coming soon to rep Miami at a mysterious major network near you, if local production company Beach Pictures can find what it's looking for with this, um, special press release:
Major Network Search for Miami's Most Outrageous Chongas and Bro's!
What we need: females & males, loud, funny and representing for Miami. It's a plus if you have: tattoos, hoop earrings, bass cars, spinners, styled hair, good body, good looks, etc. We're not looking for actors posing as a chonga/bro but it is great if you are a chonga/bro and an actor!
We need characters people, so if you feel you are a character and want national exposure then be there this Saturday!
Oh, the humanity! Not that we have anything against our shiny, shellacked sisters, who should style themselves however the heck they want, but haven't we suffered enough from "Miami Social?" Isn't the presence of "Jersey Shore" going to make us a laughingstock quite nicely on its own, thanks?
Clearly Beach Pictures thinks that's a "no," and that the world needs a new reality show featuring wag-fingered girls threatening to cut each other. Beach was founded by Grammy award-winning crooner Jorge Moreno and former CNN correspondent Adrian Baschuk, who have contacts throughout the media and entertainment world, so here's guessing chonga TV will be all too real.
"We can't give many details at this point," Morena told us, while confirming the proposed format is similar to Jersey Shore and The Real World, both MTV properties. "We have a major network interested, and it's pretty obvious [on which networks] something like this can go."
But it's the connections of Beach producer Nathan Lieberman that laughingly scream "this project must be stopped": properties Lieberman owns, including the Catalina, have been used as locations for Hogan Knows Best, Miami Social, and Janice Dickinson Model Agency. And those represented Miami so well.